Unwritten Feelings
by twent47blue
Summary: Please take note if some of the characters are OOC because this is my fiction, Gravitation is not mine, I only borrowed the characters for this fiction. R & R please.
1. Unwritter Feelings

_**Location: Studio, Mood: Contemplative **_

_**I wanted to get out of the party, am feeling left out. It goes to show how lonely I have been, no date, no friends...what a pathetic life, Sugu. I walked over to my keyboard and turned it own. Started touching the keys. toned it down a little although knowing no one will hear me. **_**__**

_**My hands caressed the keyboard like a lover. It's not that am shy or anything, but I never found anyone interested in me or I in them. It's always been just my music who understands me, and knows what I really am inside. My hands glides the keys with perfection, borne from instinct and passion, I played a tune by heart. It's an unknown song, I have been writing it ever since I started fooling around with musical instruments, trying to perfect it, trying to find its soul, its name but it evades me like a shy girl, hiding away, running away from my grasp. So I keep playing it over and over, hoping that one day I would find a title to it, that one day, it would come to me...like the person am gonna love, they will come. Whatever or whoever I am, they would accept me, be home, and find their home in me, just like this unnamed song.**_


	2. My Balloon Message

I walked toward my apartment complex took my keys out and went inside, greeted by Yan-Yan, my tabby cat, she's probably hungry, I got out the canned food from my grocery bag and called out to my only long time companion. She rubbed against my legs in gratitude, "You're welcome, honey." I said, with a smile. Walked to the couch, plopped down and turned on the tube, commercials, Christmas carols, Christmas movies, love stories, kissing scenes, I turned it off. The cat jumped on my lap, as a tear fell from my eye. I don't want another year like these. I wish I could be friendly enough, I wish I'm close to someone, I wish I have a best friend, like Shuichi to Hiro, or K and Sakano or have someone love me, like Shuichi and Yuki and Ayaka and Hiro. I don't have anyone, am not even close to my cousin, Tohma. Although he is older, he has always been nice to me, and believed in me. I wish I could find someone who could be that way to me. I looked at the cat as she settled down on my lap, purring as I rubbed her back. This cat had been with me for two years now, found her wondering around the complex, no one claimed her for a week although I posted her picture all over town. So she found her home with me ever since, and I grew to love her. Yan-Yan is the only one who welcomes me when I get home, she's the only one happy to see me when I get home, not because I got her food but she greets me with love, look where she is now? She can sense that am lonely, curled up in my lap, giving me the comfort that I needed. They say animals have a great instinct when it comes to human emotions, they can tell what you're feeling, by your scent, your eyes and your movement.

I gently lifted her up, laid her on the couch and walked to my keyboard, its 1am, but I don't think anyone would be home to hear me play or would mind if they hear my keyboard. I started to play that song that eludes me again, that haunting melody that had been playing over and over my head. I used to like someone in high school, he is someone like Shuichi, always has a ready smile, a pat on the back, his name is Goh, I wonder where he is now, if he would still remember me. I played that tune with some added melody just thinking of Goh. It brought a smile on my face, a smile with an ache in my heart. I stopped playing when tears started pouring down my face. I turned off my keyboard. I hate holidays. I got nowhere to go during the holidays, when everyone is going somewhere, meeting someone, I end up going home to Yan-Yan, making up an excuse that I got errands to do or people to meet, I looked around the room, hello, couch, how's it going? Hey, TV what's going on? Yeah, there's something wrong with my life. How did I end up this way? I really don't know. I saw the balloon they gave out at the super market. I got up and grab a marker, drew a smiley, went back to my keyboard, and wrote a note, as an inspiration struck me, or rather desperation struck me,

Dear Someone,

Hi! My name is Suguru. If you got this note, then you're probably looking for me, I've been looking for you all my life. You may not know me now, but soon you will. I could be that someone missing in your life. So if you decided that you need me, give me a call, here's my number xxxx-xxxx-xxxx. Am so glad my balloon finally found you. Hope to get in touch with you soon.

Suguru

I folded the note, put it in an envelope and put it in a plastic and tied it to the balloon and let it float before I changed my mind. I watched it as it glides up in the early morning air, good thing there's a little wind, it would take it far, hopefully lands in someone nice's hands. I turned off the light and walked to the bedroom, took off my clothes and climbed in the bed, Yan-Yan already climbed in on the other side, with the cat purring at my side, I closed my eyes and dreamt of my balloon's journey.


	3. Roses For Suguru

When I got the next day, I forgot about the balloon and the note that I sent. I had accepted that this is the way life would bee. A monotonous life with just a cat for company.

I was gonna walk pass the reception area like I always do every morning when something broke my routine, the receptionist called me, "Fujisaki san, there's a package for you." She said.

I stopped and walked over to her, expecting a token gift from Tohma and Mika. She handed me a handsome velveteen box, I took it from her gingerly. OMG. Who could this from? I don't think my cousin would give me something so extravagant. I can't contain my excitement and opened the long slim box, my mouth dropped open, a dozen of long-stemmed Esperance two-toned roses, pink and white. I could feel my eyes welling up. They are beautiful.

"Oh, my! What lovely roses, Fujisaki san, that person must really took the time to pick this out for you." She said, admiring the roses. I just nodded, dumbstruck, lost for words, looking for the card, found it, stared at it for a couple of minutes, dying from anticipation but so nervous at the same time.

I walked to the waiting area nearby, I want to be sitting down when I read the card. Set my precious box down and carefully took out the card.

My dear Suguru,

I'm so glad you found me at last. I have been waiting for you, too, all my life. I never thought that we will finally find each other. Let's not lose each other from now on. Here's my number and address. Keep in touch and hope someday we will meet face to face.

Yours,

Balloon Soul mate

My hands were shaking. The balloon found someone. And whoever it is knows me quite well, or else they wouldn't know where I work. Whoever found my balloon is pretty clever and cautious. All they left is a pager number and a post office box address. They want to remain anonymous for now.

I touched the box and the card. Well…whoever you are…thank you. Thank you for finding my balloon and answering my note. I don't mind not knowing who you are. But am glad that you are there.

I was contemplating whether to leave my box at the reception desk again or take it with me. They are sure gonna tease me non-stop. I smiled. Suddenly, I don't mind at all. I promised to change this year. They are nice. It's about time I finally found some real friends. I'm afraid that one day Yan-Yan will answer me back once she got fed up with me talking to her all the time while we watch TV in the den.

I drew a quick breathe and with a spring on my steps, I went in the studio with my roses, ready to be teased by my friends and hang out with them, and finally get a life.


	4. Loving You

I never thought I would feel this way for you...that you would take over my system...my heart...my soul...I never thought it would be possible that one person could mean so much.. That one person could create havoc in your life...you lose everything...your concentration...your everything, all that matters is this person...and before you know it...they take over and win you with just a glance...a smile.

I was standing by my keyboard, remembering the card in my pocket…and those roses. I smiled as I try to go through the day, thinking how it would be if we finally meet, my balloon soul mate.


	5. Serendipity

Goh was playing with his drum sticks when his older brother smack him on the head.

"What did I tell you about those sticks and shoes?" Sou said, eyeing his younger brother, who was tapping his sticks on his expensive dining table with his dirty sneakers on top of the table.

Scratching his head, "I'm sorry, big brother." Goh said, putting down his feet.

"Let's go, I'm dropping you off, I got a meeting. You said you got an interview at the NG building right?" Sou said, checking his briefcase.

Goh nodded, he checked if there was an opening where Suguru works. Goh still couldn't believe what happened. It's like a dream. Fate.

Coming home from a party, a strong gust of wind had a balloon stuck in one of those street lamps, it popped when it came in contact with the bulb. The covered note landed exactly at his waiting hands.

Curious he opened it. Read it. He scoffed, was about to discard it. Suguru. That name was familiar to him. Ah, yes, Sugu kun. That little brat in high school with green hair, Suguru Fujisaki. The kids used to tease him because of his hair and his small stature.

And Goh being too lanky and big for his age. They are often teased as Mutt and Jeff. Goh would just smile when their classmates starts teasing them, Suguru would sometimes cry when the big girls would start pulling at his hair. Maybe that's one of the reasons why Suguru is a loner. And Goh was his only friend. Goh would just ruffle his hair gently and gave Suguru a brotherly hug.

"There, there now, Sugu Kun. Don't worry, I won't let them harm you. I would protect you." Goh would often soothe the smaller boy.

Suguru looked forward to those brotherly hugs from Goh. He feels safe in those arms. He doesn't mind being teased now, doesn't mind having his hair pulled, because Goh is there to hold him.

But things changed before their final year, something awful happened, Goh's parents got killed in a vehicular accident, he and his older brother have to move to a distant relative. Suguru wanted to ask if they could keep in touch but he was too embarrassed to ask.

They missed each other on Goh's last day, Suguru had a bad cold and he was forced to stay home. Goh wanted to go and see him but Sou said they have no time.

Goh cradled the paper in his arms, imagining Sugu Kun again. He wondered if this is the same Suguru. His Sugu Kun. At present, he works for his brother and his big firm, doing clerk work. But he wanted to try something else. He goggled Suguru Fujisaki's name. He was shocked. He is famous now. This couldn't be the same cry baby back in high school. A member of a boy band, still a bit short, but cuter now. This couldn't be the same boy he used to squeeze back in high school so he would stop crying. This couldn't be the same Suguru who wrote the letter, longing for someone to love and to love him?

Goh found a job in the mail room of the NG building, he applied for a mail room clerk, he felt so excited, to be near his childhood friend. He wants to see if he is still the same nice boy back in high school. And what made him write that letter? What made him to be this way? He got up and changed his clothes to prepare himself for the interview. He wanted to make a good impression, he needs to get that job.

Goh sent him roses. He wanted to celebrate getting the job but he didn't want to confront Suguru yet, so he decided to get to know this man who used to be the cry baby back in high school. He watched him from the distance, smiling to himself when he saw the shocked looked on his face when he opened the box. Sou was teasing him, his older brother thought he got a girlfriend. "You got the moves, little brother." Sou said with a grin when he saw the roses.

He was in a dazed whenever he get to deliver the mails and packages upstairs, he would sneak a peek at the studio to watch him practice. He would be saw awed when he saw the fan mails he gets, he doesn't get a lot like the pink hair boy but still he got fan mails, some girls are going gaga over him.

Goh hummed the tune again when he was on his break. He heard that tune when he was delivering some mails and the door to the studio was open, Suguru was alone, he was playing that tune. He knew it's a personal song, because the next day he had bought all of Bad Luck's records, and this particular song is not in it, and he never heard it played during the recording so he knew that this is Suguru's song.

He followed Suguru one time, wanting to know where the guy lives, if he has any friends. He wants to know the Suguru now before revealing his identity, and they were not different, the young Sugu Kun and the older Suguru are still both lonely, are still both needing someone to protect them, hold them. Goh wanted that role again. He wanted to be close to this Suguru. He wanted to catch up on the lost times, the times they have spent apart. He wanted to get to know Sugu Kun all over again.

Sou didn't ask him why he decided to move to another apartment, the NG building is a lot farther from their house, and Sou couldn't keep driving him to work all the time, there are times that he can't and he had to take the train. Sou said he would give him an allowance for the apartment, his older brother was even happy that Goh is beginning to want to live on his own, it's about time he learns to be independent.

"It's not that am kicking you out, little brother. But you need to grow up a bit. I would help you out, I know you're still trying to save, but until then I would be sending you a month allowance to get you started." Sou said.

And what a convenient location, right across Suguru's apartment, he could hear him play his keyboard whenever he gets home from work. And little that Suguru knew, that Goh is collaborating with him trying to finish that unknown song, playing with his stick and trying it on his electric guitar.

Balloon Soul Mate,

Thank you for the roses, I love them. I am happy that we finally found each other again. It's a good feeling thinking that there is someone out there for me, that every night we are looking at the same sky, wishing at the same stars. I'm looking forward to meeting you but right now, am looking forward to get to know you. Thank you again for coming in my life.

Suguru

Goh folded the letter, and smiled. "If you only knew, Sugu Kun. If you only knew." Goh said, kissing the letter, wishing he was really kissing the author of that letter instead.


	6. Goh's First Time

Goh was awakened with hands traveling his chest, he was startled awake. He bolted up the bed. Sou laughed.

"Ohayo, chibi!" Sou greeted his brother, ruffling his hair with a chuckle.

"B-Big brother, you scared me." Goh said, getting up, regretting giving his brother the key to his apartment.

Sou and Goh are not really blood brothers, Sou's parents can't have anymore kids, they wanted another son, and they decided to adopt a boy. The family never treated Goh differently, and somehow turned out the younger version of Sou. But it was only that one fated day he discovered that he was adopted. He was barely a year old when he came to live with his new family. They had done things together, they were inseparable, Sou loved his little brother like real blood. Goh looked up to Sou like any other young kids looking up to their older brother. Goh never thought things would change between them. He never considered his brother any different if given a different situation. Just that. A brother. An older brother.

When Goh turned thirteen, he noticed the sudden changes from Sou, the way Sou looks at him, the way he likes to be always there with him. And the strange way Sou gets cranky whenever he decides to sleep over a friend's house or have a classmate sleeps over. The way Sou is so rude to his friends that he practically run them out of the house.

"I don't want you hanging out with that boy anymore, I don't like him. I don't think he would be a good influence on you." Sou often says whenever he drives his friends away.

Goh never thought it would be something deeper than that. That Sou could do that to him. Even though they are not really blood. But, he couldn't say no, not to Sou.

It was Goh's thirteenth birthday, he was kinda sad because his best friend Sugu Kun couldn't make it. He was in his room when all his guests left.

"Hey, kiddo. What's wrong? Why so glum?" Sou asked, ruffling his hair, he plumped down beside him.

Goh let out a heavy sigh, turned to face his brother, hugged his brother's waist, "Big brother, have you ever liked someone so bad and you couldn't stand it?" Goh asked, innocently, looking up to him.

Sou smiled gently and gathered him in an embrace, "Yeah, I did. Why? Has my baby brother fallen in love with a nice girl?" he asked, kissing the top of his head.

Goh turned red, not really knowing how to tell his brother it's not even a girl! "Umm…not really. I just like one of my classmate a lot." He said, embarrassed.

Sou laughed, "Have you even try kissing them?" he asked. Goh closed his eyes, embarrassed and shook his head.

"I-I don't know how." He said, in a little voice, gripping his brother's shirt tightly.

"Hey," Sou said, gently, peering at him, lifting up his chin. "Am not making fun of you, Goh. It's alright. I didn't know how when it was my first time, too." He said, smiling at him.

"What did you do?" Goh asked, curiously, his face inches away from his brother.

Sou smiled, touching his brother's face fondly, "One of my close friends taught me how, it was really funny at first, there we are in his room, watching some porn movies, and we both have dates and we didn't know what to do so we decided to watch some porn." He said, shaking his head in amusement.

"And he asked the same thing on my mind, but Ran has more experience than I do, he did it once with a guy and a girl." Sou said, looking down at Goh.

Goh's eyes are as big as saucers, hearing that his brother's friend had done it with another guy and it's natural for his brother.

"Would you like me to teach you, baby brother? I don't mind being your first kiss." Sou whispered, Goh was watching his brother's lips. Sou had wanted to do this with his brother; he wanted to be the first in everything with him. When he was the same age, his parents told him that Goh was adopted, after his first experience with Ran; he started looking at his brother in a different way. He wondered if he would taste as good as Ran. He had been waiting for this moment. Goh is a good-looking boy, Sou is kinda thankful that they are not really blood brothers. He wondered what it would be like to do it with someone he loves. With Ran it's just sex. But he knew with Goh it would be different, he loves him, in a different way. He knows it's wrong but he can't hide it any longer.

Sou tilted his chin, he could feel Goh's heart racing, but there was no resistance. Sou captured those lips he had been dreaming about, savoring the feel of their first kiss. When Sou felt his brother respond, he forgot where he was and who he was with. Taking the kiss deeper and deeper, plunging his tongue on Goh's unexplored territories. His hands going under his brother's shirt, groping those tiny buds, when Sou heard Goh groaned, he risked going farther, his hand traveling down Goh's shorts.

That's when he felt him resist, feeling his hand grab him, "Shhh….it's alright, I would be gentle." He whispered, coaxing him to take the kiss further, plunging his mouth again to his, and rendering Goh weak. Goh was already hard and wet, and without guilt, Sou took advantage of his adopted brother.

When he came inside Goh, and trailed kisses all over his chest, Sou found him crying, curled into a ball.

"What's wrong?" he asked, frightened now. "D-Did I hurt?" Sou asked. Goh shook his head. Sou tried to hold him but he inched away, cowering and crying. "Goh, look at me! Tell me what's wrong?" he demanded.

Goh looked up with tears down his face, "I-I'm sorry." He said.

"Why? Why are you saying sorry?" Sou asked gently, holding him by the arm. He looked so small and fragile.

"Y-You're my brother, and w-we did it." Goh said, guiltily.

Sou smiled and ruffled his hair again, "Did you enjoyed it?" he teased.

Goh hid his face in his hands. "Hey," Sou said, peering down at him.

"Since you're old enough, I would tell you something about you and our family." Sou said, lying down next to his brother, grabbing a blanket to cover them. He had planned this. He was hoping too, that Goh felt the same way he does.

"We're not blood brothers Goh, you were adopted when you were just a year old. My parents couldn't have anymore kids so they decided to adopt, and they adopted you." Sou revealed.

Goh looked up, surprised, "I-I'm adopted?" he asked, Sou nodded, he never felt any different, maybe because he wasn't treated differently, he always felt he belonged to this family.

"Feel better now?" Sou asked, gently. Goh smiled and nodded.

"Adopted or not, I love you Goh. I'm happy to be your first." Sou said. Goh tugged at his arm. Sou leaned down and gave him a kiss.


	7. Big Brother Sou

**Goh looked at Sou sleeping beside him. This is not what he wants, this is not where he wants to be, and this is not the person he wants to be with. The person he wanted all along is right across the hall unaware of his existence. I don't have anything to give you but I want to you to feel how special you are to me. How you make me so happy, complete and content when I don't really know the man that you've become? I watched you from afar, wondering how I can be close to you, how can I be with you again. I touched Sou's head, I used to let this man be the center of my universe, I let him invade everything in me, my system…my heart, my being. But now there is someone else who is owning my whole being, he is all I have, he is everything I could ever have. I sighed and got up, went to take a shower.**

**I let the scalding water burn my skin, to wash off his smell on my skin. It used to be just a lesson, my big brother teaching me the ways of the world but then it comes to be a routine every weekend when he can take me to the club sauna with him, he would rent one private room, and that's where we would continue our lessons. I used to imagine it's Sugu Kun doing me, but I knew that he would be my Uke but I doubt Sugu Kun would know what to do. As the love making escalated, my feelings of suffocation increased, I don't want it to be him anymore, foster brother or not, I don't want him marking my body the way he did, I don't want him to claim me as his. Sou is gentle and kind, I have always looked up to him, but he is not the partner I wanted, I don't look at him that way. I never imagined us turning to be this way.**

**I didn't hear him walked in the shower, I was just surprise to feel his arm around my ribs, **

"**Are you planning to skin yourself?" he whispered, reaching out and turning the water to the right temperature. **

**I skittered away from him, "Let's end this, big brother. I don't want us having sex anymore. I don't feel right." I said, trying not to look at him, knowing there were hurt looks on his eyes. **

"**Hey.." he said, tugging me close. "When we're alone am not your brother, am just someone who loves you." Sou said.**

**Tears poured down my face, "But you are, big brother, for the last 16 years of my life, you are, we may not be related to each other by blood, but in the eyes of man, you are my brother, and if our parents are still alive, this would kill them." I said, turning off the shower and grabbing a towel from the rack. He followed me to the bedroom.**

"**I-Is there someone else? I know you used to have a crush on that classmate of yours with green hair, Fujisaki san. Is he the one?" he asked, sitting next to me on the bed.**

"**There's no one new, big brother, I just don't feel right every time we do this, I still keep feeling guilty, like am committing a big sin. Let's just be what we used to be, big brother, I do love you but I love you as my brother." I said, a tear fell on my cheek, he wiped it away.**

**He ruffled my hair, "Alright, Goh, let's do this one last time, please, one last time, and I promised, it would be the last." He said, and pushed me down roughly on the bed, I didn't resist, this is gonna be the last time. **

**Sou was rough, he knew that Goh's groan are coupled with pain but he couldn't stop, his animal instinct couldn't resist being a little rough, a little wild, he did things to Goh he never done before, Goh could only looked at him with wild-eyed and fear, Goh was afraid to stop him, Sou was hurting him, but he didn't dare stop him. If this the only way to bring back their old selves, he would go ride this tide for Sou. Goh bled and he gasped weakly when he watched his brother licked his blood away, and pounded at him so roughly that he blacked out. Sou is raping him! It dawned on Goh before he lost consciousness. **

**Sou pulled out of the unconscious Goh, he was crying, cradling his brother in his arms, he was so jealous, hurt and frightened when Goh asked him to end their relationship. "I'm sorry, Goh. I'm sorry." He whispered, kissing him, showering his sweat and blood drenched face with kisses.**

"**S-Sou Kun." Goh whispered, weakly, reaching out to touch his brother's face. It's the first time Goh called him by his first name, he had always asked to call him that when they are alone, he never did, he was too embarrassed to do so. But this time he did. Yes, his brother is not a little boy anymore. He is a man now.**

"**I'm sorry, Goh. Please don't hate me." He whispered, rocking them both, crying so hard.**

"**It's alright, Sou Kun. It would be okay." Goh whispered, and snuggled in his brother's embrace. Sou planted a kiss on his lips.**

"**Thank you, Goh. I love you so much! Remember that." He said, Goh nodded, and closed his eyes. "Wait here." He said, gently getting out of the embrace, and went to the bathroom and got a towel and rinse it. He walked back to the bed room, walked to the drawer, gathered clothes and new sheets.**

**He wiped his brother down, crying all the while, wiping the semen mixed with blood, he did this, he did this to his brother. Not related by blood but Goh is his brother. He help him up as he put on clothes on him. "Go lie down while I change the sheets." He said, helping him to the couch. He bundled him up and walked back to the bedroom and changed the bloody sheets, he put it in the wash and proceeded in changing the sheets.**

**When he was done, Goh was fast asleep that he carried him in his arms and put him gently to bed. Kissed him on the top of his head. He left a note for him, he needed to explain to his brother why he did what he did. He turned off the light and locked the door behind him.**

**Goh woke up sometime during the night. He saw himself alone, he thought everything was just a dream, but he felt the ache all over his body, he saw the bruises, the love bites and he could feel his bottom burning and aching. It wasn't a dream, Sou raped him. He was reaching for his watch on the table when he touched the paper, he turned on the light. It was a letter from Sou. Despite of what his brother did, he didn't hate him, despite of Sou being rough, he knew his brother loved him fiercely and really didn't want to let him go.**

**My dearest Goh,**

**There's no forgiveness to what I have done to you, that you would carry this scar I made for the rest of your life. I would understand if you don't want to see me again, I would understand if you would wish to change your name and move away. I would help you if you want that, it's the consolation I could give you for what I have done to you.**

**Goh, I had loved you all my life. I had loved you more than a brother ever since I realized what are these feelings I have for you. It frightened me before that you would find out and hate me or won't want anything to do with me. Am so thankful for those years we spent together. You are a wonderful Goh, a wonderful person, that even I couldn't resist to fall for you. I had kept that secret for so long, had disguised it in some other form, but I couldn't hold it in any longer, I would burst.**

**Thank you for everything. Thank you for sharing my love and giving yourself to me, for being your first. I would treasure that all my life. I just hope someday you would come to forgive me for what I have done to you. Here is your key back, and some money if you want to move and drop out of sight for awhile, let me know where I can send you some more money. **

**I love you so much, Goh, so much that it hurts losing you to someone else. But I don't deserve you. Be happy for me, and be happy with your love. Please don't let what I did to you hinder you for giving yourself again to someone else. I know it would be hard for you to trust someone else, but, little brother, not everyone is as selfish as me, not everyone is as rough and cruel like me. When you find the right one, they would be gentle and sweet, you would savor it and love every minute of it. I would be waiting for your forgiveness, I know my place now, and I would gladly be just your big brother again, if you let me.**

**Sou**

**I wiped my tears away. Sou. I understand you now. I understand you now, big brother. **


	8. Love Spell

**Sou dropped his attaché case on the dining table, he whimpered when he remembered it was only last week was reprimanding Goh for putting up his dirty sneakers on top of the expensive table on the edge of that same table. He wished he could bring it all back. He could change everything back to where it was before, how they were before. He would give everything to have his brother back, he would sacrifice everything to bring them back to how they were before. Just being brothers, just being Sou and Goh. He slumped his head in his hands and cried so hard, feeling so empty, feeling that a part of him died with Goh leaving him.**

**Goh didn't want to go to work today, he was aching all over that he knew he'd probably won't be doing a good job because his movements would be limited but he would risk it than get fired and won't be able to see Suguru again.**

**He walked to the bus stop and waited for his bus, he woke up early to avoid the crowd, he was so sore all over, it would be an embarrassment if he kept on groaning or wincing whenever someone bumps into him in a crowded bus. He got to work without incident. He wish he would be assigned to delivery today, he didn't know if he can risk doing other work that would have exert so much effort like sorting mails or loading and unloading packages.**

**His supervisor at him, "What happened to you Goh chan?" she asked, seeing the bruises on his arms and neck, good thing there were scratch marks, it disguises the love bites Sou made.**

"**I was mugged last night and the snatcher decided to have fun with me and beat me up because all he can steal from me are old sneakers." Goh replied, he thought that would be a good excuse if someone asked what happened to him.**

**His supervisor a kind old woman, "Oh, you poor thing, just do deliveries and go home, it's kinda slow anyway, don't worry, I will write up that I assigned you to field work," she said, with a sympathetic smile.**

**Goh bowed, "Domo arigato, sempai. I appreciate that so much." He said.**

**The supervisor ruffled his hair and smiled, "Ok, do your deliveries so you can go home early. Eat soup and drink liquids, have the doctor check you up." The supervisor advised.**

**Goh bowed again, "Yes, sempai, I will." **

**And the most worse event of the day, Goh, being careful of his scratches and aches, he didn't realized someone saw him.**

**Suguru looked across the hallway on his way to the studio with Hiro, he looked at the mail clerk, he looked so much like Goh Kun from high school, what happened to him? Looking at the bruises on the man's face and neck. Hiro nudge him, "Suguru chan, let's go, Shui is waiting for us!" Hiro said, tapping his band mate on the shoulder.**

**Goh heard them and bowed his head, turning pale. No, please, not now. Not this way. He wished and prayed so hard, closing his eyes. Suguru shrugged his shoulders, maybe he is just imagining things because he missed his best friend and was just thinking of him the other day. He went in the studio with Hiro and gave a wave at the mail clerk absent-mindedly. Goh bowed his head deeper to avoid contact.**

**Goh grabbed his guitar. He was remembering the look Suguru gave him before he went in the studio. The way he smiled and waved his hand at him. He started strumming his guitar absent-mindedly, his mind in the clouds, his mind is at the NG building, in the studio with a green-haired keyboardist. Before he realized, he was able to write the rest of the melody Suguru's unwritten song. He let out a gasped, his heart pounding in his ear. He grabbed a pen and started writing notes and lyrics. When he got that done, he got up and got his recorder and record the whole thing.**

**LOVE SPELL**

**Do you realized how important you are to me? Do you realize just how much you affect me so? It is some kind of mantra, that holds me to you, bounds me to you.**

**Oh, how I hear those words over and over in my head each spell ends with your name that bounds me to the master of my heart which is you.**

**It affects my whole being, my heart, my mind, all my senses only listens to your name, your touch, your command.**

**My heart is racing, my heart is beating to some invisible melody that if you listen to it carefully it has pattern, it thumps to the rhythm of your name.**

**I only listen to one mantra, am only attuned to follow your voice. Whatever kind of spell you cast my way, please don't break it.**

**Bind me, wrap me, immerse me to your bidding. For there's no other master I would devote my life to than you.**

**Oh, how I love you, I don't need the spell to make me fall for you, I don't need any sutra to cast me to forever love you. For I already do, really do, my love.**

**When Goh dropped the pen, he realized that his hand was writing on it's own, that it really was possessed to finish the unwritten feelings crying out from Suguru's song. He heard the clicked of the door next door. Suguru's home.**

**Goh waited for ten minutes before putting the lyrics and note sheets in an enveloped together with his recorded guitar version of Suguru's song. Their song now. Love Spell.**

**Love Spell, it read it front of the envelope, from your balloon soul mate. Hoped you liked it. He sealed it and tiptoed across the room and opened the door quietly. He inhaled deeply, closed his eyes tightly, Sugu kun, whispered under his breathe, put his bundle in front of Suguru's door. He rand the door bell and run quietly back to his own apartment. Peeking at the peep hold as soon as he closed the door.**

**After a few minutes, he saw Suguru opening the door and looking around. Look down, look down! Goh shouted in his head. When Suguru noticed the enveloped and picked it up and brought it in the apartment, Goh jumped in the air and do a sexy pantomime of a victory dance.**


	9. Gravity In Motion

**I stared at the envelope for quite sometime before opening it. It's from my soul mate. Love Spell. What does it mean? I opened it carefully, a micro tape fell out and lyric sheets. It's a song. Whose? I asked myself, puzzled, I grabbed my player and pop it in. The intro was familiar. OMG. It's my song! I could hear someone humming along with the guitar. It's a guy. His voice is deep I could tell by the way he hummed. Yan-Yan, my cat was purring at my feet. I was immobilized in the middle of the room. Everything was for was forgotten as I closed my eyes, I could almost imagine him humming it in my ear, imagining him caressing me with his deep voice, enveloping me with his melody. I could almost feel myself swoon by the spell he put me through. I moaned as I felt his words caress my cheeks as a lover. His throaty hum nuzzle my neck, his fingers strum my lips with kisses. The lyrics are like some kind of love incantations, bewitching me to eternal surrender.**

"**Yes, yes…yes…I am yours…all yours, always, always." I whispered. Tears fell helplessly on my face. You knew. Whoever you are. You knew me. You know what I need. And it's you. Always you and no one else.**

**At the end of the song. I heard him, "I love you Sugu Kun." The voice said, almost inaudibly.**

"**Goh!" I cried. It's Goh! My mind shouted. No one else calls me that except Goh, Sugu Kun. Not by the name but by the way he pronounced it. That's what makes Goh so unique from the rest. He has his way of doing things, saying things. My heart was pounding in my chest. It couldn't be. Out of the millions of people in Japan or any other place. How could it find him? How could my balloon lands on the very person I've been yearning and pinning for?**

**I held my treasures close to my heart. I would meet you soon. My soul mate…my fate. We would sing this particular song together. This will be our love spell.**


	10. Red String Of Fate

**It fascinates me. How could I be attracted to someone I hardly know? Someone I haven't seen since grade school. I've already made my choice. I won't change my mind, even if it means giving up the entire world. Just as long as I have you, Sugu Kun.**

**Broken hearts don't stay broken. It's like being stabbed. You feel like you wanna die. But it's all over so fast…as time passed…it hurts a little less everyday and you'll go on living your life like nothing happened…and you'll get over me…Sou Kun. **

**Yeah, am sure of it. But at this moment…for your little brother, it hurts so much more than I thought it would.**

**Could you be hurting as much as me? No, right? You're fine, right? **

**Yes…it's just physical pain…surface scars…that's what you think, Oniichan. Yes…older brother. No matter what I do, you always end up as a brother to me. No matter how many times we have done it. No matter how many times you marked me, Claim me…I always consider you as family. My brother, my Oniichan.**

**A heart is like a double-edged sword. The more you hate someone, the more you hurt yourself. Don't be like that, Sou Kun. I forgive you. There's nothing really to forgive. You've done nothing but to love me. Let's go on with our lives and be with each other again. Here's your key, Oniichan. See you this weekend. **

**Sou crumpled the letter when he brought it tightly to his chest. Goh. Tears streamed down his face. He'd forgiven me. I will do as he says. We will be like what we were before. Everything that happened in the past would just be blur. I would be there for you like before, little brother. He smiled despite his tears.**

**Suguru was puzzled when he got a strange note from his soul mate. They are finally going to meet at last! But what's with the red silk scarf for? Reading the note and looking at the scarf.**

**Sugu Kun,**

**Let's meet inside the theater at 7pm, bring the scarf. Can't wait to see you!**

**Your Balloon Soul mate**

**I must have rummaged through my entire closet wondering what right outfit to wear on our date. Yes, it's gonna be dark, what I wear won't matter. But we might go somewhere else after the movies.**

**I picked my purple silk shirt and slacks. I guess, this will do, I fidget nervously in front of the mirror. I brushed my teeth five times today, when Yan-Yan crawled in the room. I finally decided I should go before I miss our date.**

**It was dark. He frequents this place am sure, he knows it won't be crowded as if he reserved the entire area just for the two of us tonight. I was nervous kept looking at the people below at the lodge.**

**After fifteen minutes, a hand touched me on the shoulder. "The scarf, Sugu Kun." An incredibly sexy voice whispered , his lips brushing my ear. **

**I reached for it in my pocket and handed it to the voice behind me. "Trust me, Sugu Kun." He said, as the silk scarf became my blind fold. **

**We were at the balcony and it's only the two of us there, I didn't see him or notice him when I got there. I heard a noise and I felt a body next to me. **

"**We meet at last, Suguru." He whispered, and a hand engulfed mine. I gasped when his lips brushed my ear once more. **

**I squeezed his hand, "T-Thank you for the song." I said, nervously.**

"**It's all for you, Sugu Kun." He whispered again. It's Goh. Am sure of it. But I will play his game. Am not gonna lose him this time. **

**When he leaned close to whisper something again, as I felt the heat on my neck, I whirled my face to meet his, his lips landed on mine, and I quickly captured it. It was supposedly to be just a peck. He was my first kiss. But he moaned and deepened the kiss. Penetrating my unexplored territories, when his tongue met mine, I moaned this time. Melting in his arms. A hand splayed on my chest. And started unbuttoning my shirt. I moaned, sinking on the seat in complete surrender. Fingers explored my body, touching and pinching my nipples, my arms flew to my unseen partner, gathering him in a semi embrace. Goh couldn't help himself, Suguru offered himself to him like a gift. And he is willing to open it up.**

**I was letting out small groans of pleasure as he pinched and squeeze my nipples. Suddenly I felt a draft when his mouth left mine and went down on my chest, fingers were replaced by lips and wet, hot tongue, sucking on my small buds. I panted and moaned. My eyes rolling back behind my blindfold. "More, more." I groaned.**

**Goh reached for Suguru's belt, when he didn't get any resistance, he went on and unzipped Suguru's pants and touch him through the fabric. I let out a gasp, buck my hips, following his touch.**

"**You want this? Tell me, I want to know." The sexy voice asked, trailing hot kisses up his neck. Suguru nodded, answering him with urgent kisses, the other man groaned, and plunged his hand inside the waiting present. Suguru was already hard, and wet. Goh was delirious from the desire running through his veins, Suguru looked so delicious now but he didn't want to rush it, knowing that the other man is still a virgin.**

**When Goh started massaging him, Suguru let out hot breathes and small moans, "Shh…babe…don't be too loud." Goh whispered, silencing his groans with his own lips, sucking and devouring Suguru liked some delectable feast.**

"**Please…" Suguru whispered in his unseen partner's ear.**

**Goh wanted to but he didn't want to hurt him. "Are you sure?" he asked.**

**When Suguru blindly found his belt and tried to touch him, Goh let out a loud groan, Suguru kissed him, "Hmm…not too loud, babe." Suguru said, with a chortle. Goh unzipped his pants, and guided Suguru's hand to his erection and he reached out for Suguru's, they groaned at the same time as they pleasure each other.**

**No one noticed the lovers, as if they were in another time. Goh wanted more, he licked Suguru's neck, "I want you, Suguru." He said, devouring his neck.**

"**Take me, am yours." Suguru replied, not thinking what's it's going to be like, not thinking it's surely is gonna hurt a lot.**

**Goh hesitated, this time, it's Suguru who guided his hand, moving his body closer to his unseen partner. Goh lifted the smaller boy on his lap, removing Suguru's pants. **

**When sticky finger teased his entrance, Suguru made small moans and lowered his head at the crook of Goh's neck, sucking the other's man's neck, marking him. Goh gasped and put his finger slowly.**

"**Tell me if it hurts, I will stop." Goh said. Suguru nodded.**

**Goh prepared Suguru for bigger things to come, putting two fingers slowly and Suguru groaned even deeper, Suguru is so hot and tight, but Goh didn't want to rush him, he plunged his face to Suguru as he placed a third finger inside the hot and tight boy. **

"**Please, I want…"Suguru whispered.**

"**You want me to stop?" he asked, was about to take out his fingers, when Suguru stopped him, shaking his head.**

"**I want you. Please." Suguru replied.**

**Goh kissed him hard, if Suguru only knew how much Goh been dying to hear that from him. He lubricated and widened the hole more and when he felt him ready, "Are you ready? Tell me if it hurts okay?" Goh asked. Suguru nodded and felt himself being lifted up a bit. And something warm and hard poking at his entrance.**

**Slowly, Goh penetrated him, they both let out a groan. Gently, Goh started his rhythm, Suguru was letting out small groans of pleasure, digging his nails on Goh's shoulders. It went on and on, kissing and sucking on each other as if they couldn't get enough of each other. **

"**Sugu Kun…am c-coming.." Goh whispered, Suguru devoured his mouth and Goh let out his seed inside the keyboardist. When it was done, they stayed that way for a bit. "Thank you, Sugu Kun." Goh whispered in his ear, and took hold of the other man's erection, "Now it's your turn, babe, cum for me." Goh whispered, as he licked the keyboardist's neck, and started pumping the other man's erection.**

**It was the most glorious feeling Suguru ever felt, he was so hard, he gripped his unseen partner, "Please." Suguru begged.**

"**Take your time, babe, take your time." Goh whispered.**

**Suguru felt himself being lifted back to his seat, and then hot wet mouth devoured his erection. "AHhhh…" The keyboardist groaned.**

**And then Goh hummed…Suguru bit his lips to keep from screaming. Gripping Goh's arms so tightly. When Suguru's head slumped down on his shoulder Goh knew he is about to cum and he sucked the keyboardist harder, licking and devouring him whole. When Suguru gripped him again, he eased up a bit and felt the keyboardist released his juice.**

**Satisfied and spent, fully clothed now. They were kissing and necking when Suguru reached out and was about to take off his blind fold.**

**Goh stopped him, "Not yet, babe, soon. Promise. We will meet again. Wait five minutes, babe." Goh whispered, and kissed him passionately before he let Suguru go.**

**Suguru couldn't believe that something did happen, not when he was undressing and feeling all the cum and sticky semen all over his body. And the red marks all over his body, yes, he did made love to Goh. He was humming their tune when he went in the shower. We will meet again, and I can't wait to be him again, Suguru smiled.**


	11. Deceit

**He followed his brother. He was about to invite him to dinner when he saw Goh in a hurry to leave the apartment. He bribed the film operator to let him sit in for an hour, and he saw Goh and Suguru. He recognized the other guy with his brother and put two and two together, so that's why Goh wasn't so hesitant to break off with him, because of this guy. He is not gonna allow it, there's no way he is gonna lose to another guy, he can accept if Goh gets a girl but never another guy.**

**He followed Suguru, intent in stealing Goh back. He almost dropped his attaché case when he saw that Suguru just lived next door to Goh. He knows a little about this little guy, so he knows a little about what's going on, and the reasons why Goh got sudden interest working in a mail room than be a CEO in his company. The only thing he didn't get is how far and where they are in the relationship, he figured one thing though, they don't know each other yet, or Goh didn't reveal who he was because of the blind fold. Sou sneered, he's got a plan.**

**Suguru wondered who was knocking at his door, he didn't bother to look at the peep hole, because the guy looked so much like Goh, only a bit older and taller. He opened the door crack, "Yes?" he asked.**

"**I can't wait to be with you again, Sugu Kun, that's why I decided to come." Sou said, with roses in hand, and actually the same kind that Goh sent Suguru the first time. That it took awhile before Suguru could react.**

"**Y-You're my soul mate?" he asked, shocked. He was gonna say Goh's name because of the so much resemblance but he knew this is not Goh only someone who looked so much like him.**

"**Y-Yes." Sou replied, not really knowing what he is talking about but he wanted to go in the apartment now, or else Goh might hear them. "Can we talk inside?" he asked.**

"**O-Oh, of course, " opening the door wider, forgetting that he was only wearing a towel. **

**The roses forgotten, the minute Suguru closed the door, Sou dropped everything and attacked Suguru's lips. Suguru could only grabbed at his shirt, groaning into the kiss. It felt like heaven but somehow the kiss was different, it wasn't as gentle as Goh's or the person he was with a couple of hours ago.**

**They were on the floor in seconds, but Suguru felt that there is really something wrong, that this is wrong, that this a different person he was with, this guy is much rougher, more aggressive, like it's only sex for him, not like the person he was with earlier, gentle and yes, passionate, but he was like Suguru, savoring each kiss, each touch, each embrace. But the roses! It's the same kind. How would he know anyway? It's his first time, how could he tell the difference? How could he compare lovers, he only have one? So, he put that aside and kissed Sou more passionately.**

**But when Sou penetrated Suguru, that's what really made up his mind that something is definitely wrong, Sou just plunged at him, he wasn't even gentle at all. Suguru cried, digging his nails on Sou's back, "P-Please, gently. I-It's only my first time." He moaned in Sou's ears. Sou blushed deeply. He's a virgin! **

"**A-Am sorry, Sugu kun. Am just so eager to have you again." Sou whispered, moving more slowly now, making the man underneath him groan with desire. **

**The boy must have cum five times and lay on the floor exhausted, Sou lifted him up and carried him to bed. Suguru was asleep. So it gave Sou enough time to go through Suguru's stuff, he found the lyrics and found the roses, the same one on the floor by the door. He smiled, Goh and him had the same taste in some stuff after all. He copied the lyrics at the fax machine so he will just try to get the music from Goh's stuff next time. His mind whirling with a plan to get his brother back, to win his love back.**

**Meanwhile Goh heard the noises next door, he was shocked to see a man walking out of Suguru's apartment. Who the hell was that? He had been neighbors with Suguru for almost a month now, it's the first time he saw a stranger coming out Suguru's apartment. It's usually either Hiro or Shuichi or his cousin Tohma. But he didn't recognize this one, his back was turned and all he saw was his back and then he is gone. Does Suguru really has someone else? Goh tried to peered out again, but whoever it was, he was long gone. And he didn't mistake the noise although faint coming out from the apartment across the hall, he recognized Suguru's groans and moans, it was still echoing in his head, remembering them like an orchestrated song in his head a couple of hours ago. He couldn't sleep, he was staring at Suguru's picture. Why didn't you tell me, Sugu Kun? Why did you sent out the balloon if you already have someone? All these questions without answers, all these emotions shot back at him, hurt and pain occupies him most. He fell asleep crying. All the things that happened was tainted by what he witnessed tonight. He's got to know, he would go crazy but he can't just ask him flat out. He would just observe him from now before asking him to meet again or reveal himself to Sugu Kun. With that, Goh fell into a troubled sleep.**

**While on the other hand, Suguru was dreaming of Sou now instead of Goh, probably because Sou reminded him so much of Goh, that he thought he would never meet again. The love-making maybe different maybe because they are still getting to know each other, that's what going through Suguru's mind while he made love to his "soul mate" for the second time. "Goh." He groaned in his sleep, dreaming of Sou but was really thinking of Goh….loving Goh. Poor Suguru. If only he knew the truth.**


	12. Twisted

**I watched you from afar, you seemed different from the past, the way you were before. Was it because of me or was it because of the man I saw leaving your apartment? I can't stand pain watching you and having those moans and groans echoing in my head, and re-living them when you do it for someone else. How could you do it, Sugu Kun? How could you use someone like that? You don't look the part but you are evil. Pure evil. Who would have thought by looking at your innocent face that you're not really that innocent? I will know. I swear to the high heavens I will know. Goh was clutching at the red silk bandana before putting it in an envelope and leaving it at the studio with Suguru's name on it.**

**Suguru forgot something at the studio and hurried back to retrieve it and found the envelope on top of his keyboard with his name on it. Restroom, bring the bandana. It's from his soul mate. Confused. Why the bandana? I saw your face already. Suguru thought. Clutching it he went to the restroom as he was told, went to the very last cubicle and put on the bandana and waited. After 2 minutes, he sensed someone entered the cubicle he was in, heard him locked it. **

**The stranger didn't say a word, he felt hot air on his face, and the softest kiss claimed his lips. This. This is Him. My soul mate. Suguru thought. His arms went around Goh automatically as Suguru groaned into the kiss. Goh forgot he was mad at him and got lost in his emotions for the little man. "Sugu Kun." He whispered between kisses. Puzzled, even the voice is a little different. Suguru was about to take his bandana off, "No, don't leave it on, not yet." Goh said. Now Suguru was really confused. This guy has some major kinky issues, Suguru thought, and put it aside as they made passionate love to each other.**

**Suguru waited five minutes again before Goh left. He wanted to ask but was too afraid to lose him and not see him again. He stood there, so confused, as if he was making love to two different persons.**

**Goh waited in the shadows, waiting to see if someone's gonna pick him up. No one did. Suguru went home alone. Now he is confused. Who could be that man? An agent, a manager? But he knows what Sakano looks like and K. Could the sound came from a different apartment? Was he just mistaken? Probably. Goh thought, as he heard Suguru playing their song again. He laughed to himself. Laugh at himself for being so foolish thinking that Suguru is two-timing him. He went in his apartment and was surprised to find Sou there, in the kitchen, cooking.**

"**Big brother!" He greeted and run to Sou, he was happy to see him again. Sou restrained himself and just gave Goh a hug and ruffled his hair.**

"**Hi! I figured you haven't eaten so I made dinner." Sou said, smiling at him. **

**Goh was relieved that Sou is behaving like how they were before. "Thank you, you should have called I would have come home earlier." He said.**

"**Go wash up. No, it's okay, I was in the neighborhood so I decided to drop in." Sou said. Goh nodded and went to the bathroom to wash up.**

**They had their meal and was talking like they usually do back then when everything was normal between them. Sou already found the CD and already made copies of the songs and had copied Goh's journal, it's all clear to him now, how they started, and when they started. So that's why Suguru was calling him soul mate, it started with a balloon. He envied how they found each other again. He hated Suguru even more, that no matter how he take Goh away from him, he always finds a way to get him back. Well, this time, Sou is determined to keep Goh to himself, permanently. He will make sure that Goh is going to hate Suguru and not see him anymore.**

**Sou planned it perfectly now. When Goh leaned over to him, he could smell Suguru on him, so he knew that they've seen each other. So now is the time to set the plot in place. When Goh excused himself to take a shower. Sou opened his brief case and took out a picture of Suguru, and place it on top of his papers, and left it open, when Goh went out to join him, he excused himself to use the bathroom.**

"**Oh, Goh, I got some mail for you, they are in my brief case, get them before I forgot." Sou said before going in the bathroom.**

"**Oh, thank you for bringing them over." Goh called out from the den. **

**He walked over to his brother's brief case and was about to reach in and get his mail when he saw the picture. He knocked it down on the floor from shock, other pictures spilled out, with his brother and Suguru naked and in bed. And letters, and another copy of the balloon letter! You slut! Goh wanted to shout, his mind was screaming, how many letters have you sent out, Suguru? He asked himself. Goh didn't realized that his brother was peering at him from the crack of the bathroom door, laughing at himself, so proud of himself for plotting everything. He knows now that Goh is painting Suguru as the lowest person he had ever met, the bandana was the touching point, he blind folded the boy so that Goh wouldn't wonder why Suguru's eyes were all closed in the other pictures or the pictures he has with Sou. Goh was controlling himself, he didn't want to let his brother know what's going on. Goh picked up the mess and put it back in place, putting the picture underneath some other files, not wanting to let his brother know he saw them. He got his mail. And walked to the kitchen sink and washed his face, straining himself to calm down before he face his brother again.**

**He had controlled himself when Sou went out of the bathroom, "Did you find them?" Sou asked, with hidden meaning in his smile.**

**Goh nodded, "Hey, why don't we have some sake, I got it the other night, would you try it out with me Sou Kun?" Goh grinned. Sou was dancing for joy inside his head. His plans worked! He's got his brother back. Now he's got his brother wrapped around his fingers.**

"**Sure, Goh kun." He said, ruffling his hair. He's gonna drink. And he's gonna get drunk. He knows, Goh is not good holding his liquor, he gets horny and passes out. **

**Sou took him again when Goh leaned closer to give him a kiss, he took him brutally, "You deserve to be punished, you've been a bad boy." Sou said, grabbing Goh's hair roughly.**

"**Punish me then." Goh said, biting his brother's shoulder.**

**Has he has no soul? He wondered when he saw Goh lying there spent and bleeding once again from his brutal rape. He gathered him in his arms, Goh wouldn't remember what happened, he was so drunk. Sou washed up and changed his clothes. "Why do have to hurt me? Why did you want it to be this way? Haven't I loved you enough? This is all your fault!" he shouted at the sleeping Goh in his arms. "He doesn't deserve you, no one does, except me! Did you hear me, Goh? Am the only one who could love you and love you best! Not that brat, never that brat!" he said, hugging his brother tightly in his arms. **

**When Sou calmed down, he left a note to Goh. That he would be gone for awhile, that he would be busy with his new love. That he would try to see him this weekend. He didn't mention the wild sex they had, Goh wouldn't remember. When he gets that drunk, he wouldn't remember anything. When he closed the door to his brother's apartment, he glanced at the apartment across the hall. "I will be coming for you next time, Suguru. You watched yourself, you're not gonna get my brother. He is mine." He whispered under his breathe and left.**


	13. Red Is Also The Color Of Deceit

**Suguru's fascination for Goh slowly waned, when Sou took over the soul mate role completely. He wined and dined the boy, turning his hate to deceit and every time he pounded on the boy, he was thinking it was Goh he was making love to, blind folding Suguru, not wanting the boy see the sneer on his face every time they make love.**

**Goh resigned from the NG mail room, and also moved back to his brother's house. He couldn't bear watching them. It was killing him. At least Sou never take Suguru to his house, well, at least not yet. The restroom rendezvous was the last contact he had with Suguru. He didn't want anything to do with two-timing slut. **

**How could he? How could Suguru be so evil? And how could Suguru of all people, pick his brother. Even if he didn't know, even if he didn't remember that Sou is his older brother, how could he screw around? How could he cheat on Sou just like that and pretend to be a virgin on top of that, not that he would know the difference anyway, it was only been Sou all along. How many lovers do you have Suguru? He should get tested, it's better if he knows he didn't get any disease from a partner who sleeps around like Suguru. Goh couldn't bear think that it could be his brother twisted machination. He looks up to Sou, he knew that his brother might be different for falling for his own foster brother, but he never thought that evil has a different face. Not his Oniichan, not Sou.**

**He vowed in his heart of hearts, he would forget about Suguru. Or that he had ever been with him. He threw away the CD of their song, he burned the music sheets and poems and letters everything with Suguru in it. He stored away his guitar in his closet, everything that would remind him of his first and only love.**

**Sou was so thrilled that Goh resigned and moved back to his house. Everything is working out according to his plan. And he would make sure, he wins this one. He wins Goh.**

**Goh found his brother on the phone with Suguru, Sou pretended he didn't hear Goh came in, and he would drive the nail deeper in his brother's heart completely. Suguru already hanged up and was heading back to the studio to practice. But he had to pretend to fully drove away Suguru out of their lives completely.**

"**But Sugu Kun, you already promised me that we will see each other tomorrow, I already made reservation at the restaurant that you liked. I cancelled all my meetings and schedules." Making the exact pause that he knew would be timely for Suguru's supposedly response. **

**Goh was about to go in his room when he heard the last words from his brother that stopped him from his path. "Yes, hon, yes. I paid for the damages you did at that bar, no, the owners are not filing charges and they took your name out, good thing they don't know you." Sou cooed on the phone like a puppet, Goh got pissed when he heard that, Suguru is using his brother! He got so pissed off. He turned and saw his brother crying when he hang up the phone.**

**He was gonna go in his room but when he saw that Sou got a bottle of whiskey from the bar, he decided to comfort him.**

"**Hey…" Goh called out. Sou looked up, pretended to be wiping fake tears away.**

"**Oh, hi baby brother. Didn't hear you come in." Sou said, putting down the shot glass, pretending to be embarrassed that having got caught.**

"**Problems with your new love?" Goh asked, grabbing a beer from the fridge and slumped down next to his brother.**

"**Nawwww….work, too much work lately. My Sugu kun is wonderful!" he said, with a smile on his face.**

**Goh gritted his teeth, I want to kill your Sugu kun, you don't deserve this. He thought. **

"**Sugu? Do I know him?" Goh asked, pretending he didn't remember. But his brother is the master manipulator, he knew he would ask and he would lie to his teeth.**

**Sou laughed,and took out a paper from his paper, "This is how I met him, I was on my way home from work when a balloon got tangled in my car antenna, and there was a note in it." He said, and handed Goh, the copied version of the letter.**

**Goh felt faint, he didn't want to show it but he couldn't stop his hand from shaking when he reached out to get the same note he got. How many Suguru? How many are we? But Goh is not good at acting, he dropped the can of beer from his hand grabbing his head, trying to hide his tears.**

"**Goh! Are you alright?" Sou was genuinely worried, maybe he pushed his brother to hard now. Goh almost swooned in his brother's arms.**

"**C-Can't breathe…" Goh whispered, his eyes rolled back in his head, beads of perspiration on his brows, still clutching at his head, and yes, at his heart.**

"**Calm down, breathe slowly. Breathe slowly, Goh kun." His brother soothe, rubbing his chest gently. He scooped him gently in his arms and carried him to his room.**

**Sou laid him on the bed gently. He pushed too hard. He didn't want to destroy his brother but he wanted him to forget Suguru.**

**He walked out of the room, and walked to the medicine cabinet and got some tranquilizers, this would help him calm down and rest for awhile, and walk back to his brother's room.**

**He helped him up, "Stop crying, Goh." He reprimanded gently. He put the pill on his hand, and handed him the water.**

"**Drink this and go to bed. Am giving you a break, you need a vacation, just stay here or go somewhere to unwind, don't worry about work for now. Give yourself a chance to adjust back to your former life." Sou said, patting him on the back. Goh had calmed down, he helped him back to bed and turned out the lights to his brother's room.**

**Goh stayed in the house for three days, doing nothing but just watching TV and playing with his Playstation or reading his mangas. He was feeling much better, Sou never mentioned Suguru's name again. And Goh thought that, that would be the end of it, but the time they do end up together, he would have moved out of his brother's house and find a place of his own and maybe a real love of his own. He decided to leave Suguru to his fate, he would make sure he would watch his brother's back.**

**Fate brought them back together, Kismet. Suguru was late in meeting Sou, so he decided to go to the address he found in Sou's business card.**

**When he rang the door bell, his face lit up when he saw who opened the door.**

"**G-Goh?" he asked, looking at him, and grabbed the taller boy in an embrace. Goh's reaction was to push him away. Suguru was shocked at his reaction. Probably he didn't recognize me. He blushed.**

"**It's me, Fujisaki Kun, Suguru from high school, remember?" he said, smiling at him. I know who you are slut? So, you're after me now, huh?**

"**Oh, hi. Nice to see you. My brother is not here come back later." He said, was about to close the door on Suguru's face.**

**Suguru couldn't believe what's happening, he thought that Goh would be ecstatic to see him like he was feeling, not like this cold and distant and yes, rude.**

"**Y-You're Sou's brother? Funny, he never mentioned you." Suguru said, quizzically. Goh was taken aback from what Suguru said, how come Sou never did mention him? Even if he didn't know that Suguru was his best friend back in high school, he would have mentioned his family background to the one he loves.**

"**Yes…I should have known that it was you the Sugu Kun he was talking about. I didn't ask, but he often talk about you." Goh said, looking at Suguru intently, wanting to hold him and kiss him. But his anger and hate ruled over.**

**Suguru's mind was whirling, so that's why Sou is my soul mate, Goh didn't turn out to be the person I was hoping for. Sou is sweet and caring, he maybe a little rough in bed but he was still passionate and really loves me. Not like this, my best friend, he was smiling absent-mindedly, I wish I didn't get to meet him like this, I wish we met some other way. I still want to remember the Goh I knew back then, my protector and my secret love.**

"**Well, I better go, tell Sou I will call him later. I got a meeting in half an hour but I will try to meet with him again." Suguru said, was about to pat him on the arm, but he dropped his hand in mid-air, he didn't want to be pushed away again.**

**Goh wanted to ask him a lot of questions, but he didn't want to let Suguru know that he was on to him, so he clumped his mouth shut and just nodded his head to his former best friend.**

**As they both turn away from each other, both had a wish that they didn't meet like this. That they wish, they met in a different time and a different place. And without anyone. So maybe they would know what it would be like if they took their friendship to a different level. **

**As Suguru rode the taxi going to his press conference, he took out his wallet and looked at the picture hidden there, it was Goh and him back in high school, they were so close then. He wiped the tear that escaped his eye. Where did those times go? How could he changed to be someone he might hate or not like? And to think he is his lover's brother. There would come a time they might all live in one roof. Would he be able to resist to be with Goh? He shuddered from the thought at the same time Goh felt a chill run down his spine, as he was staring out the window, until the taxi that Suguru took is so far away from his sight.**


	14. Because You Are Mine

**Because he is mine. His heart belongs to me. And I belong solely to him. No matter how far we grew apart, we will always find each other, comfort in each other. That no matter the misunderstandings, the fights. He will always be mine. He belongs to me.**

**Goh sank to his knees, his tears flowing down his face. No matter what he do, he can't get mad at Suguru, he knew that there is something is wrong, that the situation is wrong. He knew better….this Suguru with his brother is not the Suguru he knew way back then. He knew that Suguru is not capable of those things he accused him of, sleeping around, cheating, bar brawl and extortion. This is a whole new person, a far cry from the frightened little rabbit he swore to protect back in college. He needs to get away. If Suguru would be dropping in now at the house, too, there's no way he can help himself when they are alone. He composed himself and got up. Determined to get a place by the end of the week.**

"**Goh! Something important came up, I need you to look after the house and the branch office, am going overseas to our other office, there's a big merger that's gonna take place. Am on my way to the airport now, so I will just call you when I get to Bangkok." Sou said, urgently and before Goh could say anything, he was already gone.**

**Goh stared at the phone. What about your boyfriend, big brother? He is coming over to spend the weekend with you. And am suppose to leave now. He said to himself. He put the phone back to it's cradle. And was staring into space when the door bell rang. Suguru.**

**Suguru was so nervous, he didn't want to go, but Sou insisted that he needs to meet his brother. Suguru didn't tell him that they already met and that they were classmates and best friend back in high school. Goh didn't tell his brother anything either, he left that part for Suguru. He didn't want his brother to feel that he's got resentments for his lover.**

**Suguru was already turning on his heels and was about to leave when the door opened. He was sort of relieved at first when no one answered, he was hoping he got the dates mixed up.**

**He stood back, "Ummm….am sorry, y-your brother invited me over." Suguru said. Goh smiled a little, he opened the door wider. Suguru let out a gasp when he saw him smile.**

**Suguru stepped in the house. For some reason Goh didn't tell him that his brother would be out of the country and would be gone for a few days. It was awkward at first, they just sat there looking everywhere except each other.**

"**Y-You want a beer?" Goh asked, he knows he shouldn't drink but he wanted to be able to talk to Suguru seriously.**

**Suguru bowed, not knowing what to do, he wanted to ask about Sou but all he really wanted is to spend more time with Goh. Goh handed him the beer, and they sat there for a few more minutes of awkward silence. Suguru forgot about Sou. Now that he's with Goh, he wanted to iron out what went wrong yesterday when they first saw each other.**

"**I-I didn't know that Sou is your older brother, although he reminds me of you the first time I saw him." Suguru began.**

**Curiously, Goh wondered how is Suguru's gonna relate this so he asked. "When and how did you guys meet?" taking a sip of his beer, feeling the beverage redden his face. **

**Suguru chuckled, bowed his head. "Remember back in high school, am always picked on by our classmates? I was still the same after all these years, not picked on but not good with people. I envy all my friends having someone, I wondered about you, too, from time to time. You were the only one who took me seriously." Suguru began.**

**Goh forgot that he was so mad at this guy, and looked at him closely, "You're the keyboardist now of one of the most popular band all over the country, am sure you're pretty popular with everyone, getting a date or hooked up would be easy for you." Goh said, gently.**

"**A-Am not good with people, Goh. The only real person I get really comfortable with was you, not even with your brother, sometimes, I wondered what he sees in me, why and how he sent our song. I was writing a personal song, somehow he got to hear it and finished it for me, even the lyrics and the melody for it. My only other friend is my cat Yan-Yan, a stray cat I picked up outside my apartment. Am not even close to my band mates or even my cousin. I never thought anyone would be interested in dating someone like me." Suguru said, forgetting yesterday, the beer had loosened the tension between them and they really talked.**

**Goh almost dropped his beer in surprise, he wrote the lyrics, he composed the rest of Suguru's music, Sou doesn't even know how to play chopsticks or even touch a guitar. That part is puzzling, is Suguru lying to him now? He looked so sincere.**

"**When did you start seeing each other? I hope you don't mind my asking, I promised I won't tell Niichan." He said, with a smile, touching Suguru's hand. Suguru smiled, being here with Goh made him comfortable, he doesn't mind telling him all his secrets, because it's Goh. Even if it's Sou who got his balloon, the other part of his wish came true, because he is here with Goh now.**

"**Last Christmas I was feeling lonely, so I sent out a balloon I got from the store with a note attached to it, with my name and address, call it crazy, but I was so lonely, and tired of being alone. I never thought I would find someone nice, and of all people it's your brother, he told me in one of his notes that he was walking home and this balloon popped and the note dropped in his waiting hand like magic, I like the way he writes his notes, it was so romantic, your brother has a way with words." Suguru related with nostalgia.**

**Goh began coughing hard, he almost sprayed his beer out of his mouth, Sou said the balloon got caught in the antenna of his car.**

"**Are you alright, Goh kun?" Suguru asked, peering down at him. Goh nodded.**

"**Go on with your story, this is pretty interesting." He said, leaning closer to the smaller boy.**

"**Our first date was at the movie house, and after that he showed up at my apartment a few hours after, he said, he wanted to see me again. I was kind of surprise because I thought he wanted to keep his identity a secret at first when he blind folded me at the movie house but he was there at my apartment after the movies." Suguru said.**

**Oh, Sou. Why? Goh knew now. Sou was the guy leaving Suguru's apartment. He lied to Suguru and he lied to him. Tears started pouring down his face. Suguru was staring at him, wondering if he said anything to upset Goh.**

**Goh looked up, "Sugu kun. Am so sorry. Am really, really sorry, but Sou is not your balloon soul mate, I am." Goh said, slowly.**

**Suguru's face turned pale. "Wh-What do you mean? Th-There's two of you I've been screwing? You guys are messing with me?" Suguru spurted out with anger now, he punched Goh squarely on the face.**

**Goh stumbled on the floor, he reached out to Suguru. But Suguru grabbed his bag and was heading for the door.**

"**Sugu kun! Wait! Let me explain, please!" he rushed to him and caught him in an embrace. Suguru didn't resist but he was also crying.**

"**What did I ever do to you, Goh? What did I do to your brother? Why did you guys played with my emotions, you were my first, Goh. You were my first, and your brother raped me." Suguru said, in almost a whisper.**

**Goh turned him around and kissed him, holding him close to him. Suguru responded, this is the gentle one, this is the first one, he said to himself. When Goh felt him calming down. He released his lover.**

"**Come here, I would tell you how it all began." He said, leading him back to the couch. **

**Goh related how it all started, how he found out he was adopted, that he went looking for him before they left after his parents' accident. How Sou raped him, how Sou manipulated him.**

"**Am sorry it turned out this way, he must have followed me when we met at the movie house, I saw him walking out of your apartment, he pretended to be me. He wants to get me back, he wants me to hate you to get me back." Goh said, touching Suguru's face, wiping away the tears.**

"**Would you ever forgive me, Sugu Kun?" he asked.**

**Suguru held him, "Why? You didn't do anything. It was Sou who tried to break us up, who tried to ruin us." He replied. Goh held him tight. And they were both crying again.**

"**Let's get away, love." Goh said, kissing Suguru's neck. "Let's move some place that Sou wouldn't know about." He said, looking at his face.**

**Suguru smiled, "Yes, lets. Am getting tired of my old apartment anyway, let's move closer to were Hiro lives, he said, there's a new apartment complex next to his house and it's close to the studio." Suguru said.**

"**You think sempai would give me my old job at the mail room back?" Goh asked , with a grin.**

**Suguru slapped him playfully, "I knew it! I knew that was you!" he exclaimed. They were laughing like old times. **

**Goh looked at him closely, and whispered, "I love you, Sugu Kun. Bind me, wrap me, immerse me to your bidding, for there's no other master, I would devout my life to than you." Goh whispered a part of their song, Love Spell.**

**Suguru jumped on him, plunging his face on Goh's devouring his lips with his own. Goh's arms went around the green-haired keyboardist. Yes, they are indeed under a spell, love speaks in so many voices, those who love will always understand it, those who love would never have to ask why. **

**They found a unit suitable for the instant family, Suguru, Goh and Yan-Yan. Sou went home to an empty house, he wondered why Goh never answered the phone, even his cell phone, even Suguru changed his number. All of Goh's things are gone, the mobile unit he got him for his birthday is sitting on the night stand. He knew then that he was found out, he wasn't surprise that Goh also found the fax paper copies of his journal and his letters to Suguru. He had Goh, and he pushed him away now, there's no way Goh's gonna forgive him no matter what he do. He slumped on the floor of Goh's empty bedroom. What had he done? He put his head in his hands and cried. **

**Shuichi was teasing Suguru when he found his band mate with a hickey on the neck, even Hiro piped in about their new song they were working on, Love Spell. And K was asking about the tall mail room clerk he was always seeing walking home with. Suguru just smiled, finally he is living a normal life with friends, real friends. And he's got his balloon soul mate supporting him all the way.**

**Owari **


End file.
